Alcohol as Home Medicine

In an October 2007 issue of the Phuket Gazette, I read of monks in Phuket who poured rice wine over a woman’s breasts, stroked them with a copper knife, and chanted spells.

All this to cure their patients. Not of congestion, or even breast cancer, but black magic. When these enterprising monks were interrogated, they explained that black magic resided in the chest area. Tiny metal pieces were found embedded in the accursed areas.
Read on to find out how to channel the powers of Rum and other booze to heal your body. Rum
Old Monk or Contessa. 
As an Indian, I can only recommend the two highest selling rum brands in our defence forces. (As an Indian, I’ll also have you know that the Bombay Prohibition Act of 1949 still recognises Rum, Brandy and Champagne as medicines!) Rum can be mixed with a bit of warm water. It’s not unmanly to add a bit of honey; it does taste very pungent otherwise.

Beer

Beer is a beneficial brew of good things. Antioxidants slows down aging, vitamin B6 cuts your chances of cardiovascular disease and hops, which flavor beer has many medical benefits, such as fighting cancer. The darker, the more bitter, the better.

Xanthumol comes from hops, and more hops makes beer darker and bitter.
Basic bodily processes get a bit subdued with age, and beer dilates blood vessels, and helps in sleep, urination, and preventing kidney stones.

Europe has seen a recent spurt of beer spas, where people soak in beer. However, a more pragmatic way to avail brewski benefits is to wash your hair out with it. After imbibing a bit, people usually tend to leave a few ml worth in their bottles. Collect the leftover beer, and rinse out your hair with it for the extra shine.

Brandy

Ask your grandparents about this one. Most will swear by brandy as a bit of loving care in the treatment of cough, cold, and congestion. A spoon or so can warmly conquer a sore throat.

Coughs are of two categories: productive (which produces sputum/phlegm) or dry, hacking cough (in which your throat is dry, and you can’t cough up anything). The latter can be soothed a lot by a tablespoon of brandy with a bit of brandy. Add hot water, in case it’s unpalatable otherwise. Toothaches can be temporarily numbed by soaking cotton in brandy, and direct application. If you don’t have cotton, just hold in small amount, preferably over the painful spot for 30 seconds, and then spit or swallow (kids should spit it out)

 

Whiskey

The classic winter drink, a hot toddy is colloquially a whiskey, with honey, lemon juice and hot water. For an ounce of whiskey, add an ounce of honey and lemon juice and honey each, and 3 ounces of hot water. Since it is antiseptic, whiskey can also be dabbed onto wounds. Honey is sweet, warm and medicinal; it can be added to toddy made of rum or brandy as well. Like beer, whiskey also contains antioxidants, which are good you.
Red Wine
While it contains beneficial antioxidants, red wine is specifically known for its role in preventing the growth of cancerous cells. Even a 30 ml daily dose of red wine can improve cancer prognosis, notably in Esophaegal cancer, as well as overall immunity. Fresh red wine combined with a tablespoon of pink clay, a tbsp. of red can also be used as a face mask. Leave on for 15 minutes, and rinse off with a sponge and warm water as a treatment for greasy skin. Red wine contains reservetol, which reduces inflammation, arterial plaque, and lower abdominal fat deposits.