Should you have sex with friends?

While friends with benefits (FWB) may sound convenient, tread carefully in these torrid waters. Read the complete manual on FWB, along with the risks involved.

Meet the new-age Indian woman. She's sexy as hell. She's smart. She pays her own bills. And she wants to have sex with you. Just sex, no strings attached. What's the catch? She's a friend. 'As long as she's not related to me, how does it matter?' you think. Because when it comes to sex and relationships, we end up colouring outside the lines anyway. So unfolds a new pact between Venus and Mars: Friends with Benefits.

Yes, if you're bored. You've been playing lap dog for more tears and less sex and even then it's the same monotonous missionary with the same girl. Your balls are tied up on a short leash while mini-skirted beauties pass you by. 'Nuff said. Maybe, if you're drained out.

You're in control.
A rebound's aim is to distract. "If you're fresh out of a relationship, you're looking to numb yourself from the pain," says Indore-based sexologist Dr Mahesh Nawal, MBBS, ACST. "You shouldn't expect the same emotional security you once received. For that matter, you shouldn't have any expectations apart from great chemistry."

Your needs match...
Joanna Grover, 21 was coerced into a relationship for six months by her ex, "because he'd convinced himself that sleeping together would give a shot at a relationship-but he forgot to ask me if I had the same feelings or not." A lot of women and men sleep with their friends in the hope that it will eventually lead to a relationship, says Bhalla.
A US study found that depressed single women were more likely to have more casual sex than happier singles. Depressed people, especially 'women seek out sexual intimacy to make themselves feel more secure,' says Sabura Allen, a clinical psychologist.

You are both horny..
Sex is no longer a dirty crime committed before marriage. When you need it, you need it. It doesn't justify paying for a hooker, which anyway ups your risk of STDs (you still have some self-respect.) "But if she's comfortable with you and vice versa," why shouldn't you give in to your bodily needs?" says Dr Nawal. Practice safe sex-people assume that because this is their friend, they can trust that he or she will not have any disease and therefore may not feel as compelled to practice safe sex, says Justin Lehmiller, a US-based psychologist. What's more 'friends with benefits' are 44 per cent more likely to be polygamous than people who first have sex as committed partners, he adds.

But beware...

You might get attached.

The same US study reported that only 10 per cent of such relationships evolve into romantic ones and more than half developed feelings for their partners at some point in the relationship. And just so you know, it's not only the women. "It's not a free breakfast-ultimately, when your feelings are not reciprocated, the relationship turns sour and you run the risk of ruining a good friendship as well,"

You're wasting money..

It's typically acceptable to go Dutch or take turns to pick dinner tabs when you're friends, but the minute you're in an FWB relationship, things change. Technically you're not dating, so should you be footing the bills for her maintenance? "Chivalry's still not dead, so women would still expect you to pay most of the time, but stop to consider if you're paying for everything!" says Dr Samir Parikh, HOD, mental health and behavioural sciences, Max Healthcare, New Delhi. Hint: When she expects you to fuel her car up every time or get her salon bills.

You can't stay alone..

"If you end up sleeping with the same friend between relationships, you're weakening yourself mentally," quips Dr Nawal. You don't have the propensity to survive on your own. "If she's still waiting for you, then she's clearly more emotionally involved, which is not something you want to face," he says. Nobody wants a whining Siamese twin in an emotionally detached relationship, after all. It'll kill the chemistry and show you as a desperate wannabe who's using her.

You are missing out..

It's like being caught in limbo-both of you are elevated above the position of friends, yet you haven't gained the priority of that 'special someone'. "It's harder for Indian men and women to talk, meet and date strangers-our society just doesn't function as fast as the West," says Dr Nawal. So when you've already found someone, you're cutting into your already limited chances of running into the perfect woman. And when either of you do, the other person loses a bit of that pedestal he or she's been placed on, making them resentful. "Everybody likes a fair amount of attention," says Dr Parikh. "When it's taken away or given to someone else, questions are bound to pop up and invariably you end up being the guilty party."

So, when should you call it quits?..

When the dreaded question arises, "So, where are we?" And if you think, this doesn't happen in an FWB relationship, you're misinformed. "It'll either manifest itself in your head or be brought up by her eventually," says Bhalla. In a US study, more than half the respondents involved in FWB relationships indicated they were consistently asking themselves what kind of a relationship they were in, such as how to make sense of it. Yet, 84 per cent of them didn't initiate any discussion because they felt awkward talking about it, or feared losing a friend, 73 per cent didn't talk about ground rules and only nine per cent could muster up the courage to bring up the topic as jokes. "The topic can be mentally draining, especially when asked by the other party," says Dr Nawal. But if her questions aren't bothering you or messing with your erection: Congratulations pal. You're both well on your way into a relationship.

Anger never lets you win

As a little kid growing up on a sheep farm near Christchurch, New Zealand, Martin was a bright, hardworking boy, prone to losing his temper and getting angry. He would end up saying harsh words to his friends and family without often realising the impact of his angry outbursts.

Intent on mending his son’s ways, Martin’s dad decided on a plan. He gave his son a sack of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the wooden fence at the back of their farm. The son agreed. The first day, he hammered 35 nails into the fence. As the days passed, the number of nails hammered into the fence gradually decreased. It was quite a task going all the way to the back of the farm and hammering a nail. Young Martin figured it was easier to just control his temper, and not get angry.

And then, one day, he did not lose his cool at all. A day of no nails! Delighted, he told his father about it. And the father said that for every day that Martin did not lose his temper, he should pull out a nail from the fence. Martin did as told, and some months later, all the nails in the fence had been removed. Martin was pleased. And so was his dad.

The father led young Martin to the back of the farm and pointing to the wooden fence he said “You have done well, my son and I am proud of you. But notice the holes left behind by the nails? They will never go away. The fence will never be the same again. It’s like that with our anger too. When we are angry, we say things that leave a scar. And no amount of apologizing thereafter can ever remove those scars. Remember that!”

It’s a lesson Martin has remembered all his life. And it’s a lesson we would all do well to take to heart too. Keep your cool. Don’t lose your temper. And you will see a significant improvement in your relationships. People will like you more, they will respect you a lot more – and you will find that hardly anybody gets angry with you. If you find yourself losing your cool often, maybe you should set yourself a punishment equivalent to hammering nails on the fence. Like Martin, you too might then find yourself controlling your temper a lot better. Good to remember that you can never really win when you get angry. You always lose -your temper, your cool and a whole lot else besides.

Saying ‘Sorry’ is like using one of those erasers on the top of a pencil. It’s easy to use, it feels like you have erased what was written, but the marks remain on the sheet of paper forever. And in this era of instant messaging and on-the-go e-mails, it becomes even more important to watch your words. If you are upset and want to shoot off an angry e-mail or message, hold it! Draft a mail perhaps – but leave it as a draft. Don’t hit the ‘send’ button whilst you are angry. Tell yourself that you will take a look at it the next morning, and only then send it. Chances are, with a cooler head the next morning, you will realise the folly of sending out the angry email. And it does not matter that you are in the right, or that you think your anger is justified. If you lose your cool, remember, you lose. Period.

Next time you are angry and want to say something, take a deep breath. Pause. And maybe say nothing at all.

Starting today, resolve to keep your cool. Watch what you say. And see the difference!

Prakash Iyer is MD, Kimberly-Clark Lever and Executive Coach. For more inspiring life lessons, read Mr Iyer's new book The Habit of Winning.

World's oldest-living conjoined twins

 The world's oldest living conjoined twins have defied doctors' predictions and are set to celebrate their 50th birthday this Sunday.

George and Lori Schappell, who are joined at the head, are marking the landmark birthday with a trip to London.

Remarkably, the Siamese twins are able to live very different and separate lives, with Lori having had relationships and George - who was originally named Dori - deciding to live life as a man.

Lori is also a champion ten-pin bowler and George performs as a country and western singer.

Click on photo to view slideshow

"When we were born, the doctors didn't think we'd make 30, but we proved them wrong," the Daily Mail quoted Lori as saying.

"We have learned so much in the last 50 years and will continue living life to the full," she added.

While Lori, who is 5ft 1in, was born able-bodied, 4ft 4in George suffers from spina bifida, which has caused severe mobility problems.

The twins, from Pennsylvania in America, were born sharing 30 per cent of their frontal lobe brain tissue and critical blood vessels, meaning they cannot be separated. 

Are you being Cheated?

According to new research published in the Archives of Sexual Behaviour your man may look elsewhere if he has issues in the bedroom. Great! As if things weren’t bad enough. In the study almost a quarter of men (23.2%) admitted they had cheated during their current relationship. Naughty, naughty boys!
Professor Robin Milhausen said: “Those who have any number of sexual concerns are more likely to be unfaithful. What we’ve interpreted from this is that people with problems in the bedroom, where their issues can become a self-fulfilling prophecy are more likely to look outside their relationship.

Do you have a happy, fulfilling relationship but your bloke has a little bit of trouble in between the sheets? If the answer is yes then be warned – he may be more likely to cheat!

“Being with a new partner is risky and exciting, and might help someone increase their arousal enough to avoid sexual problems.”

Are you worried about this? Does your man have a wandering eye? Does he struggle in the satisfaction department? If the answer is yes, read on to discover what psychologist and sex and relationship expert Donna Dawson thinks about why men cheat.The opportunist:

We all know this guy! He’s the Mark Wright of the cheating world. It’s not about your relationship or even you for that matter, it’s about him being in the right place at the right time. If he’s always out getting drunk with his mates all the time then be wary, he could be playing away.The infatuation junkie

You know the feeling you get when you spot someone you fancy, the chemical high and the butterflies? Well this guy loves those feeling and is more likely to cheat when he meets someone new and exciting.

The affair of ego massage

How predictable – this is the guy who just wants to know he’s still got ‘it’ and he’s still attractive. This bloke is most likely in a long-term, stable relationship but he’s eager to recapture his youth.

The affair of protest

If your relationship is a bit rocky or you haven’t got enough time for one another then your boyfriend might be out finding someone to provide what you’re not giving. He may drop hints as a cry for help – keep an eye out for lipstick on the collar ladies.

The serious affair

This is the one to watch. This man is prepared to give up anything for his new love and he doesn’t care if he gets caught.

The CEO who got fired from his first job

Talk of computers the first thing that strikes anyone today is 'Apple'. Know the success story of the brain behind this massive player.

Inspiring excerpts from the commencement speech by Steve Jobs, at Standord University on June 12, 2005.

Truth be told, I never graduated from college, and this is the closest I've ever gotten to a college graduation. Today, I want to tell you three stories from my life.

Best decisions I ever made

The first story is about connecting the dots. I ped out of Reed College after the first six months. Why? Well, it started before I was born. My biological mother was a young, unwed graduate student, and she decided to put me up for adoption.

She felt very strongly that I should be adopted by college graduates, but my biological mother found out later that my mother had never graduated from college and that my father had never graduated from high school. She refused to sign the final adoption papers. She only relented a few months later when my parents promised that I would go to college.

This was the start in my life. And 17 years later I did go to college. But I naively chose a college that was almost as expensive as Stanford, and all of my working-class parents' savings were being spent on my college tuition. After six months, I couldn't see the value in it. So I decided to out. It was pretty scary at the time, but looking back it was one of the best decisions I ever made.

It wasn't all romantic. I didn't have a dorm room, so I slept on the floor in friends' rooms. I returned coke bottles for the five cent deposits to buy food with, and I would walk the seven miles across town every Sunday night to get one good meal a week at the Hare Krishna temple. I loved it. And much of what I stumbled into by following my curiosity and intuition turned out to be priceless later on.

Let me give you one example: I decided to take a calligraphy class at Reed College and learned about serif and san serif typefaces, about varying the amount of space between different letter combinations. None of this had even a hope of any practical application in my life. But ten years later, when we were designing the first Macintosh computer, it all came back to me. If I had never ped out, I would have never ped in on that calligraphy class, and personal computers might not have the wonderful typography that they do. Of course it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future.

Love and Loss

My second story is about love and loss. Woz (Steve Wozniak) and I started Apple in my parents' garage when I was 20. We worked hard, and in 10 years Apple had grown into a two billion dollar company with over 4,000 employees. We'd just released our finest creation the Macintosh a year earlier, and then I got fired.

I really didn't know what to do for a few months. I felt that I had let the previous generation of entrepreneurs down. I even thought about running away from the valley. But something slowly began to dawn on me: I still loved what I did. The turn of events at Apple had not changed that one bit and I decided to start over.

The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life. During the next five years, I started a company named NeXT another company named Pixar, and fell in love with an amazing woman who would become my wife. In a remarkable turn of events, Apple bought NeXT, and I retuned to Apple. I'm pretty sure none of this would have happened if I hadn't been fired from Apple.

I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking until you find it. Don't settle.

If today were the last day of life

My third story is about death. When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: 'If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be right.' It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I've looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: 'If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?' And whenever the answer has been 'No' for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.

Remembering that I will be dead soon is the most important tool I have ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. About a year ago I was diagnosed with cancer. The doctors told me this was incurable, and that I should expect to live no longer than three to six months. My doctor advised me to go home and get my affairs in order, which is doctor's code for 'prepare to die.' I lived with that diagnosis all day. Later that evening I had a biopsy, and was told that it turned out to be a very rare form of pancreatic cancer that is curable with surgery. I had the surgery and, thankfully, I'm fine now.

This was the closest I've been to facing death. Having lived through it, I can now say this to you with a bit more certainty than when death was a useful but purely intellectual concept: No one wants to die. Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice.

When I was young, there was an amazing publication called The Whole Earth Catalogue created by a fellow named Stewart Brand and he brought it to life with his poetic touch. On the back cover of their final issue was a photograph of an early morning country road, the kind you might find yourself hitchhiking on if you were so adventurous. Beneath it were the words: 'Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.' It was their farewell message.

And I've always wished that for myself. And now, as you graduate to begin anew, I wish that for you. Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.

Want to reduce your belly fat

Are you tired of having belly fat? Now, eat two small apples, one cup of green peas and one-half cup of pinto beans and exercise vigorously for 30 minutes, two to four times a week.

cording to the researchers at Wake Forest Baptist Medical Center, vegetables, fruit and beans contain more soluble fiber and will help reduce visceral fat, or belly fat, around the midsection.

They found that for every 10-gram increase in soluble fiber eaten per day, visceral fat was reduced by 3.7 percent over five years. In addition, increased moderate activity resulted in a 7.4 percent decrease in the rate of visceral fat accumulation over the same time period.

"We know that a higher rate of visceral fat is associated with high blood pressure, diabetes and fatty liver disease," said Kristen Hairston, assistant professor of internal medicine at Wake Forest Baptist and lead researcher on the study.
"Our study found that making a few simple changes can have a big health impact," he added.
The researchers examined whether lifestyle factors, such as diet and frequency of exercise, were associated with a five-year change in abdominal fat of African Americans and Hispanic Americans.
At the beginning of the study, which involved 1,114 people, the participants were given a physical exam, an extensive questionnaire on lifestyle issues, and a CT scan. Five years later, the exact same process was repeated.
The researchers found that increased soluble fiber intake was associated with a decreased rate of accumulated visceral fat, but not subcutaneous fat.
"There is mounting evidence that eating more soluble fiber and increasing exercise reduces visceral or belly fat, although we still don't know how it works

The amazing things yoga can do to you

“What yoga can do for me” is a question this is increasingly popping up in the minds of the people.

One way yoga can be defined is “as a series of exercises that are meant to promote control of one's body and mind”. These exercises are based on a Hindu school of thought that is focused on training a person's consciousness for a period of ideal spiritual tranquility and insight.

If done properly, yoga can do wonders for your body and mind. Some if its biggest benefits are: increased blood circulation, stress alleviation, removal of toxins, energizing the body, and promoting sleep.

Let's discuss these benefits in some detail:

1. To begin with, yoga exercises increase the circulation of blood in a person's body which is crucial for proper functioning of the body. Increased blood circulation works as a natural energy booster for people who feel drained out and tired all the time. So stop guzzling those bottles of Gatorades and try some yoga.

2. Toxins are poisonous substances within living cells and organisms and yoga can come to your rescue when it comes to them. With every single movement, some toxins are removed from the body. Yoga also helps drain the lymph nodes, which allows blood to flow properly and the body to function as it should.

3. Actually, the removal of toxins is associated with how the exercise alleviates stress. In fast-paced times of today, people are more stressed out than ever. Balance, focus, patience, and tranquility have been cited as the end results of practicing yoga movements on a consistent basis. Yoga enables the practitioner to focus on the moment instead of the future. This allows a person to let go of his worriesand just remain in the present.

4. Yoga is great energizer. If you practice yoga properly in an organised setting, you'll be happy to give up caffeine for your energy needs. Not only do yoga movements provide energy, they also lift one's spirit, provide energy, and motivate a person to be more happy. You feel you have an incentive in life for doing things. A practitioner will either be taken to a tranquil state or he will be re-energized.

5. Yoga is a great way to get your sleeping habits right. These days, almost every other “urban” person suffers from some sort of sleeping disorder or the other. Yoga relaxes the body and mind; it can bring about a tranquil state. It should be practiced thirty minutes prior to one's bedtime in order to achieve maximum results. 

Practice Yoga to reduce stress

Strike these poses for a calmer and happier you.

Hypertension is not just common, in a strange twisted way it's a status symbol. It shows you have arrived, are busy and lead a stressed life. However, it takes a toll on your heart, spikes your blood sugar and insulin levels and that's bad news.

Recent studies show that yoga brings about a balance in your autonomous nervous system and regulates your blood pressure by stabilising your sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous system.

As a yoga practitioner, I have experienced the calming effect that this alternative therapy can provide. Being static, yoga postures are less demanding and require less oxygen. This causes minimal strain during exercise and keeps your muscles relaxed. Here are a few postures that you can practise to keep your stress levels under control.

Vajrasana
Sit with your legs extended, hands by the side of your body and palms resting on the floor. Bend your right leg at the knee and place your foot under the right buttock keeping your soles tucked in. Do the same with your left leg. Rest your hands on your thighs, keeping your back straight. Hold for some time, come back to the starting position.

GomukhasanaSit on the floor stretching your legs forward. Slightly bend both your knees and place your left leg under your right thigh. Take your right leg over your left leg, making sure your left knee is under the right one. Now take your right hand behind your back with your palm facing downwards and place your left hand behind. Try clutching your palms together, making sure your back is straight and aligned with your neck. Hold for some time and come back to the starting position.

Ardha shalabhasana
Lie in prone position (on your stomach), bring your legs together, toes pointing outward, hands by your body, fists closed and chin on the floor. Then slowly raise your right leg without bending at the knee, do not tilt the pelvis. Hold for some time and come back to the starting position. Switch sides and repeat.

Padmasana
Sit on the floor, stretch your legs and place palms along the side of the body. Now hold the sole of the right foot and place it on the left thigh. Take the left foot over the right. Keeping your back straight, place your palms on the knees and slowly close eyes, focussing on your breath. Hold for some time and slowly come back to the starting position.

Anulom-vilom pranayama
Sit straight and close your right nostril with your right thumb and inhale from the left nostril. Then close your left nostril with your right index and middle fingers and exhale from the right nostril. Now do the reverse. Inhale with the right nostril, close your right nostril with your right thumb then exhale with the left. This forms one round of anulom-vilom pranayama.

Made it possible...The treadsetter

Woodland has not just carved a niche for itself in the shoe and apparel sector. Know what this massive player does beyond foot wear and clothes?

It's a successful shoe and apparel empire. Woodland is also helping 8000 families in Chandrapur, Maharashtra, get safe drinking water everyday.


Treading North

Since my childhood I have been a creative and adventure-loving person. Even as a child I believed in perfection and it helped me become what I am today. Academically, I was an average student but I had a flair for learning more. And because I have been involved with the family business since childhood, I knew what I wanted.

Furthermore, my passion for adventure sports reflects in the brand philosophy. We used to go for long treks where I developed a fascination for adventure sports. So in order to give students what we couldn't have, I am trying to inculcate the adventure lifestyle for school students. Our first initiative will be with Modern School, Delhi, where we are creating an adventure zone.

How it began

The brand Woodland is owned by Aero Group, the flagship company which began its operations in 1960's and now has an asset base of over US$100 million. Woodland was started in Quebec, Canada, for making winter boots and entered India in 1992. It was one of the brands that we launched in India from the vast portfolio of Aero Group.

When we entered India, the footwear market was largely unorganised. Woodland created a new category of specialised 'outdoor sports' shoes. Our product positioning was different and we were known as a rugged, outdoor leather shoe brand, the kind usually preferred by adventurists. Youngsters took a fancy to our shoes. That was in the beginning and we gradually developed a product line especially for India.

On the job

Being an outgoing person, I wanted to establish something related to the field of adventure. I faced a lot of difficulties in the initial years because of wrong adventure gear and it was a challenge to get the right gear in India. I used to pick up adventure sports apparel, footwear and accessories whenever I travelled abroad.

After completing my education, I started working with my father and created the brand Woodland. Our logo is a tree which in itself speaks about our connect with nature. After it was established, we created Proplanet, our corporate social responsibility (CSR) wing and have been working closely with nature-friendly ideas since.

Eco-friendly My main focus has been to bring to everybody's doorstep; quality and ecofriendly products. We use raw materials which are less harmful to the environment. Our main focus has been on materials like organic cotton, specialised fabrics for adventure sports.

Customer connect

Commercial success is necessary but customer satisfaction matters more. Today, when I see a person wearing a Woodland product, I feel very proud. Woodlanders are known for their spirit and enthusiasm. Our products and processes speak for itself. Today we have one lakh plus fans on Facebook who constantly give us there feedback. A lot of them also upload their pictures sporting the brand and various adventure events.

A social server

Very recently, Woodland under its CSR wing Proplanet, tied up in a four month long association with the United Nations agency United Nations Children's Fund to promote their WASH campaign which aims to provide safe drinking water to 8000 families in the Chandrapur district of Maharashtra.

We are reaching out to our wide customer base to contribute Rs 10 to the cause against every purchase they make. Besides this, we look to partner with entities that environmentally committed, eliminate toxic and hazardous substances from products, minimise resource wastage, disclose their environmental footprint, and take responsibility for proper waste management.

Tips for success

Clarity: To know what you want personally and professionally, question your resolution and clarify.

Exploration: In order to learn, one must experiment. Try to learn from the experiences of life.

Patience: Instant gratification is not always possible. Gaining exposure in the early years is more important that a higher salary.

Presentation: It helps communicate, which is essential today. A lot depends on how you present yourself.